


not fine

by kimwonpil



Category: Day6 (Band)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, Hurt No Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, One-Sided Relationship, Sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-24
Updated: 2019-12-31
Packaged: 2021-01-02 01:13:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 2,983
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21153128
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kimwonpil/pseuds/kimwonpil
Summary: Wonpil enters the sea of feelings in the hope of finding some answers, instead the storm whisks him away.





	1. not fine

**Author's Note:**

> Ahhh this is really short but I needed to vent write and it's 1:30am rn, no time like the present am I right? Might do a part 2 if someone asks for it, hope you enjoy ^•^
> 
> (btw stream sweet chaos, entropy for album of the year boiiiis!!)

Wonpil felt like he was going to be sick. The bile continued to rise in his throat until his head spun with the bitter taste it left in his mouth.

He shouldn't have been here, he was intruding and he had seen something he shouldn't. He should have listened, not shoved his earbuds in and ignored the telltale signs. Maybe then everything would still be okay?

But everything was not okay, Wonpil turned on his heel and scarpered, feet sliding across the laminate floors as he rushed to the bathroom to hide. He prayed that the sounds wouldn't wake anyone up, he didn't need to really face the reality of what he'd just seen. That might break Wonpil right down the middle in a way that was no longer fixable.

Wonpil had known something was going on for a while, the way his four band mates - his four best friends - had become closer and closer until no space was between them, should have been telling enough. But still the boy was willfully ignorant, wrapped up in fantasies that he was there too and not slowly being pushed further away. They'd promised to stick together, the five of them, it didn't look like they'd remained so true to that now.

The boy sunk to his knees as he shut the bathroom door behind him, letting the first tear fall as he sobbed brokenly. Oh god did he love them all, but his feelings weren't returned and they wouldn't be, not now, not ever. 

When he'd first met them it had been the clichéd hearts beating ever faster and red dusted cheeks, Wonpil smitten with the people he'd be working with from the get go. But hearts often got broken and when Jaehyung and Younghyun announced that they were dating to the others Wonpil had been numb, body running on autopilot as he congratulated them. 

He still had hope however, you always had to hope, Sungjin and Dowoon's souls didn't seem to listen. Within the month they too had professed their feelings and now their souls had intertwined as well, dancing with found love and joy. Wonpil's danced to a slower tune, heart heavy and empty all at once.

Back then Wonpil had thought that nothing worse could happen, he could not sink any lower into the murky depths than this. As usual he was wrong, now he knew just how wrong. The four of them, cuddled together on the bed with soft smiles on each of their faces. Wonpil's entire being had shattered at the sight, fragments still tearing off as he sat in the bathroom now.

He could almost imagine himself with them, if he tried hard enough. Could almost see their grinning faces as they kissed his cheeks and nose and lips. Could almost feel their warm arms cuddling him closer and hear the whispered promises in his ear. But it wasn't real, Wonpil knew that now.

He was a lone boat in the ocean and the shore was very far away.


	2. not mine

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i didn't intend to carry this on but the story just kinda ended up doing just that :'D this will have a third and final part at some point this weekend. hope you enjoy!!

Wonpil learnt very quickly how to deflect the others, his feelings thrown away and discarded until they were so miniscule he could no longer dwell on them. Whenever they asked him if he was alright, the answer was always yes; was there anything wrong with him? The answer was always no. He refused to let his sadness interact with the world around him, he wouldn’t taint the happiness of those he cherished even if it broke his heart to see them that way.

He could hear them all wondering and asking behind his back, but he refused to give in to their pity, he didn’t need it.

What started the downfall, however, was Dowoon.

“Pillie hyung? Are you sure everything is okay? You keep saying you’re alright but honestly you’re not, I know you.” At any other time Dowoon’s words would have registered in Wonpil’s head as being joking and teasing, but today the band in his heart had snapped and he didn’t think before he spoke next.

“You don’t know me Dowoon, shut up.” The elder boy snapped, turning around to Dowoon with a venomous stare before stalking past the younger and out of the room as fast as he could. Wonpil was running again.

The others had caught onto the tension with their usual speed, but this time Wonpil noticed everything he had once missed. Everyone migrated to Dowoon, swarming him with love and affection whilst Wonpil was left feeling bitter and alone, he did deserve it after all. Wonpil wondered why he’d even shouted in the first place, Dowoon hadn’t done anything wrong except for… For being in love, the boy concluded. 

Wonpil never wanted to admit to being jealous but the more he sat alone at meals and was left alone as the four boyfriends went on date nights, the more he grew accustomed to the unsettling emotion in his gut. Why had they chosen each other and left him stranded? Was he really that undesirable?

The thoughts continued to trundle on by, clouding over Wonpil like a storm brewing silently on the horizon as he descended deeper into the darkness. It was suffocating, leaving the boy waking up each night, breathless and afraid, but there was no one there to tell him it would all be alright.

When he woke up in a cold sweat for the third week in a row, room silent except for the sound of his heart hammering away in his chest, Wonpil decided he couldn't bear it anymore. The boy grabbed his coat, slipping into the first pair of shoes he came across, even though they were far too big and venturing out into the night.

He didn't care where he went, taking pathways he'd never been down before until he was lost in a labyrinth of neon and drunken office workers, trailing home at the end of a long week. Wonpil ventured towards a quieter alleyway, huddling his coat around his middle as he shivered. His phone lay silent and dead in his pocket, Wonpil hadn't expected anyone to notice he was gone but it still stung nonetheless.

Now, Wonpil knew in his heart that he was overreacting, but the four people he loved the most in the world had strayed from him and he felt broken without them there to hold him together. The thoughts returned slowly, edging into his head until the whispers turned to demanding shouts and he started to run once again. Wonpil was very good at running.

This time he did miss his phone, vibrating endlessly as he stumbled through crowds and mumbled hasty apologies. 

Just when the boy in the jacket felt that it could not get any worse, he fell, tumbling to the floor in a claustrophobic heap as another person landed on top of him. Wonpil smelt the man's vomit on him before he saw it, grimacing from that and the pounding in his head. 

"Help…" He wheezed out, voice barely there as he tried to drag himself to his feet, but it was to no avail. Wonpil was exhausted, staying splayed out on the pavement as drunk onlookers simply stepped over him.

That was when he felt his phone, fumbling to pull it out of his pocket and answering without checking the ID.

"Pillie oh my god! Are you alright? You disappeared, can you tell us where you are? What's going on?" Younghyun's words were leaving his mouth at a mile a minute, Wonpil not in tune enough with the world to decipher what was being said. But he knew it was Younghyun and that was enough. The boy sobbed, clutching the phone in his shaking hands as he cried.

"Help me please… It hurts so bad…" He pleaded, hand coming up to feel at his head where it had hit the ground, drawing back at the blood which coated his fingers. 

There was the sound of shuffling in the background, someone grabbing keys and unlocking the door, more mumbling followed but Wonpil was slipping into the realms of unconsciousness. 

"Pillie we've got your location, just stay where you are alright?" That was Sungjin's voice, steady and calm despite what was happening. It only seemed to break Wonpil more, what if Sungjin was angry? Or worse, what if he was doing this because he had to and not because he cared? Did the elder really not like him at all? Wonpil forced those thoughts away as his sobs reduced to occasional whimpers. He wasn't going to move, he couldn't, everything hurt.

The phone fell from Wonpil's hand as he grew drowsy, still able to hear someone talking but his eyes were slipping shut.

Shore was on the horizon but Wonpil still wasn't able to reach it, not just yet.


	3. stop talking

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so this is actually now a 4 partner, after much deliberation it won't have a sad ending anymore. i almost ended it after this bit but everything is looking up a lot more in my life as of late and i want this fic to reflect that journey i've had.
> 
> i hope you enjoy ^•^

Wonpil woke up with a start, the room around him cold and way too bright as he spluttered and wheezed uncomfortably. Four sets of eyes turned to face the boy with worry painting their features, all crowded round the hospital bed.

He couldn't breathe, everyone's stares making him stop short as he whimpered and backed away, heart rate monitor working at a mile a minute as tears gathered in his eyes.

"Pillie?" Younghyun's voice was soft, something that would have once comforted Wonpil, not today though, not now.

"Don't… Please don't…" He whispered and shook his head, bringing his knees to his chest as he tried to hide himself away.

"Pillie are you alright? Does anything hurt?" Younghyun kept asking as if he was talking to a wounded animal, placing a gentle hand on Wonpil's knee and the boy jerked away.

"Don't touch me, stop acting like you care when you don't." The younger sniffled and tangled his hands in his matted hair, Sungjin rushing to pull them away again, not wanting Wonpil to hurt himself.

"Pillie we do c-"

"No you don't! Stop lying, just stop… I know that you're all together, I know I don't really matter. Please cut the crap I know I'm not a part of anything you have, stop trying to care when you don't really want to. Let me down gently, not like this…" 

The room fell silent under the weight of Wonpil's words, feeling crushed and suffocated as the boy rubbed at his eyes, frustrated noises leaving him as he tried to stop crying.

"Wonpil I…" Jae started to speak, voice small and timid as he tried to sort through the mess of emotions swirling around in his head. Of course he loved Wonpil, how couldn't he? They only kept him at a distance at first because they didn't want everything to fall apart, Wonpil was the glue that held them all together, how could they have been so careless? They were selfish, wanting to spend more time with each other without considering the other boy's feelings.

"I'm sorry." The four of them said in almost unison, Wonpil's head peeking up from where he was hiding himself.

"You deserve an explanation, I wish there was a clearer one. But we all… We all love you so much Wonpil. We wanted to get used to the idea of being together first and then we would have welcomed you with open arms. I can understand why you're angry, I really can, we were wrong for leaving you out without talking first. We depend on you to hold us all together and yet, we failed to hold you up too." Younghyun spoke, words flowing from him as if the dam had finally burst. Wonpil listened, head turned down towards his feet as everyone else watched him with a softened gaze. Sungjin wanted nothing more than to bundle the younger into his arms, but he needed to make sure Wonpil was okay more than anything.

"We're not too late are we hyung?" Dowoon asked sheepishly, voice fragile as he hesitantly took a glance at Wonpil.

The boy sat there, frozen and unsure of what to do, whimpering in response as more tears continued to fall.

"I-I don't know, I really don't know…" He whispered, the hope in the room almost vanishing completely.

"We all did stuff wrong but… But I'm not going to pretend that I'm okay now. It all hurts still, I'm going to need some time." Wonpil said, risking a glance at each of them before a nurse wandered in to cut their conversation short.

"We'll wait for you." Sungjin whispered before being ushered out of the room, not turning his back on Wonpil for a second as the blind was pulled down.

Wonpil had barreled onto shore, he only needed to pick himself up and dust himself down. Maybe the beach would hold treasures soon enough?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> twitter ♡: [@acepiri](https://twitter.com/acepiri)  



	4. deep in love

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and it's finally coming to an end, i know this is far later than planned but christmas isn't necessarily the most wonderful time of the year for me, but i hope this ending is a good enough one!
> 
> i hope 2020 brings many nice things to everyone, thank you for reading!♡

When Wonpil returned to the dorm four days later it was completely silent, not another soul in sight. It gave the boy dejavu of days gone by, when he’d found his four best friends all cuddled up on the bed together, the quietness eerie as he took a step into the living room.

“Hello?” Wonpil called out, voice fragile as it lingered in the air and drifted out into the dorm; no one replied and no one appeared and Wonpil wondered if he had been too hopeful after their short conversation days earlier. Maybe they had decided that he didn’t belong and they were telling him by leaving him alone, maybe they really didn’t love him like they had said.

Just as Wonpil was about to spiral back down into the dark thoughts and let them consume him, he heard the front door lock click open, whipping his head around to face whoever had arrived.

“Pillie! Oh my gosh you’re back!” Younghyun’s excitable tone caught Wonpil off guard, letting himself be swept up into the elder’s arms as he tried to hold back the growing smile on his face. Younghyun set the younger down after a moment, hands moving to cup his face and kissing Wonpil’s forehead. Wonpil’s wishful thinking believed that was Younghyun’s way of showing him affection, but he had always given him platonic, friendly kisses in the past.

“We didn’t think you’d be back until later, the others are out getting food to cook for dinner.” Younghyun said with a sheepish grin and Wonpil breathed an internal sigh of relief. The thoughts that swirled seemed to die down, simmer just below the surface instead of being a cacophony in his head.

“O-Oh… What are we having to eat?” Wonpil asked, peering up at Younghyun as the elder took his hand and slowly led him towards the sofa.

“I think they said we're having barbecue stuff, it'll be tasty whatever it is.”

“Yeah, and you'll eat twice as much as you're supposed to.” Wonpil retorted which sent both men into a fit of childlike giggles, Younghyun taking the opportunity to gently wrap his arms around the younger's waist and pull him to sit on his lap. He didn't want to lose Wonpil, not again.

“Pillie, I'm back early because I have something to give you. I should probably wait for the others but…” Younghyun cut himself off, a moment of silence passing between the pair as Wonpil was still trying to process being sat so close to the elder. He brought out a small box, velvet and a deep plum colour as he placed it in Wonpil's hands.

“Open it and then I'll explain.” Younghyun whispered as Wonpil did just that, a small gasp leaving his lips as he stared at the contents. Inside was an ornate bracelet, shimmering and silver with five tiny charms hanging off the different links. Each one was a gemstone, glittering in the faint light of the living room as Wonpil ran his fingers over the jewellery.

“It's so beautiful Hyunnie… But why-”

“We all love you so much Wonpil, I know what we did and I know it must have been so much more horrible for you than it was for us. Our thought process was clouded because we thought you'd be okay, we never thought that everything would go so wrong. This bracelet is something we all have, we even got you a charm too after your birthstone… We'd love for you to be our boyfriend too Pillie, if you want to of course.” Younghyun's speech knocked all the air out of Wonpil, the boy breathless and wide eyed as his gaze flitted from the bracelet to the man in front of him and back again.

“Younghyun, I- Yes, of course I want to be your boyfriend! You're all such idiots, I hate you guys so much.” Wonpil huffed, playfully whacking Younghyun's chest before turning to hug him tightly, burying his face away. Younghyun smiled down at him fondly, hand coming up to play with the younger's hair. It was as if everything had fallen into place, something up there letting them be happy at long last.

“Good, because your cute charm cost a lot of money to buy five times.” Younghyun giggled as he was whacked again, Wonpil's grip not ceasing all the while as he stared up at his now boyfriend.

“Do I get to kiss you now?” Came a small voice, Wonpil suddenly more shy than ever before as he chewed on his lip. Younghyun only nodded before closing the gap, taking his time and letting Wonpil know just how much he was loved.

And when the other three returned to find the pair curled up on the sofa, limbs tangled and smiles on their faces; they knew exactly what that meant. Their hearts never ceased to beat with joy from then on, bracelets wrapped around each of their wrists as whispered I love yous were passed day by day.

Wonpil had found the treasure, far away from the roughest seas. It was in the people he cherished the most and he could see no greater path ahead of him than the one they all shared together.


End file.
